a drink to the new year

the guests tumbled in one after the other, their shoes laying haphazardly by the door. every so often the door would ring again and another uncle would come rushing in yelling xian nian kaui le! the snow on the coats would tumble off as they shaked themselves like dogs with fles. but this was the tradition of every new years

the family gathering around to eat hot pot.while each adult passed out hong bao to the children.

then the after party would begin:
the parents and elders getting drunk with sakee
while the kids went outside to set firecrackers.like fourth of july huh? but better

all in all: it feels like a new year has set upon us.like things are beginning to clear up and move forward for the better.
even with all that i have gone through in the past, it makes me stronger but sometimes i just need to break down

my heart is still heart broken.i miss him and he doesnt even know it.i love those days where i would climb into his arms and fall asleep or how it just felt right to hold his hand cause i knew hed protect me.whenever i missed his kisses hed pull me back and kiss me again and wed both laugh.

to have him piggy back ride me or carry me when i lost my shoes.to sit and talk about anything.to wear a dress and know that i cught his eye.to text each other at night.to grow together without knowing it.to start crying and hed wipe away my tears and kiss my on the forehead telling me that everything will be ok.that understanding where i understood how he felt without telling me.

i love those moments and i wish somehow i could rewind time and go back to it.but thats almost impossible.to wake up every morning and know that he lingers in my dreams but i have to move on with my day.staying positive and keeping up with the workload.to show my friends that im ok.that i dont care

but in my heart i still do care.its there and it nags me.

i wish that everything could be a movie and have a happily endding. but sometimes theres a point and you/i/he/she/someone has to move on.

my heart says no my head nods yes.