updates

its almost winter vaction and im super excited to be heading up to new york
theres nothing that can beat this trip
i miss everyone from taiwan:]
school has been such a doll.
we went on a field trip to mount vernon last week to see washingtons house
not to shabby but pretty much a fun house
once we got to washingtons room i blurted "it looks like its selling for an ikea ad"
where my teacher took me aside and told me that that was disrespectful..
but really.the carpet and bed sheets were completely moderanized
it was absoulety beautiful by the water side though
i could sit there all day with a fishing pole catching some catfish.
--> back to school. track has been cold and running in the snow is the best
accept for the part where the sidewalks are filled with slush and once your back on the track, your back is splattered with mud
i prd! by like 10seconds.super excited:D
+i got my permit yesterday.watch out roads.liz is on her way
plus i need to get back to my current events projects
but its good to catch up:)

letting go

how is it that just a couple of years ago, i found myself absorbed with easy bake ovens, barbies, and child like fanatises. am i growing up too fast? i find myself constantly working in front of this computer screen, unwriten essays needing to be finished, current event projects, and summative assignments. i am suffocating from the lack of oxygen in this room. suffocating from the less time i spend with friends and more time im focused on college or the other friends around the world. is it possible im loosing the energy i use to have? growing old and haggard where i have nine cats and live in a cardboard box. or is it that i have closed myself off. scared to trust people and tell them of my past beacuse of the feeling of pity they give me. beacuse the past hurts me so much that i block off. putting up walls doesnt solve anything but its the fear that i will crumble beneath my feet. its the fear that compassion or pain will hurt me even more. its the fear i will loose someone close to me.everyday, is just like any other day, going through the motions and walking aimlessly. disconnected from the world but really im searching for god to guide me in his light. the world is filled with sins that i fall into constantly. trying to breakfree of this guilt i carry but ashamed to admit it. ashamed that the beauty inside me has burned into a sole of black ashes. ashmed that god wont accept me a child of his anymore. but its time to walk back onto the path.even when its been overgrown with wicked trees and weeds sprouting through the rocks.where my feet will be pricked and stabbed with a trail of blood behind me, i knoe that god is with me. my fear and pains will be set aside.