updates

its almost winter vaction and im super excited to be heading up to new york
theres nothing that can beat this trip
i miss everyone from taiwan:]
school has been such a doll.
we went on a field trip to mount vernon last week to see washingtons house
not to shabby but pretty much a fun house
once we got to washingtons room i blurted "it looks like its selling for an ikea ad"
where my teacher took me aside and told me that that was disrespectful..
but really.the carpet and bed sheets were completely moderanized
it was absoulety beautiful by the water side though
i could sit there all day with a fishing pole catching some catfish.
--> back to school. track has been cold and running in the snow is the best
accept for the part where the sidewalks are filled with slush and once your back on the track, your back is splattered with mud
i prd! by like 10seconds.super excited:D
+i got my permit yesterday.watch out roads.liz is on her way
plus i need to get back to my current events projects
but its good to catch up:)

letting go

how is it that just a couple of years ago, i found myself absorbed with easy bake ovens, barbies, and child like fanatises. am i growing up too fast? i find myself constantly working in front of this computer screen, unwriten essays needing to be finished, current event projects, and summative assignments. i am suffocating from the lack of oxygen in this room. suffocating from the less time i spend with friends and more time im focused on college or the other friends around the world. is it possible im loosing the energy i use to have? growing old and haggard where i have nine cats and live in a cardboard box. or is it that i have closed myself off. scared to trust people and tell them of my past beacuse of the feeling of pity they give me. beacuse the past hurts me so much that i block off. putting up walls doesnt solve anything but its the fear that i will crumble beneath my feet. its the fear that compassion or pain will hurt me even more. its the fear i will loose someone close to me.everyday, is just like any other day, going through the motions and walking aimlessly. disconnected from the world but really im searching for god to guide me in his light. the world is filled with sins that i fall into constantly. trying to breakfree of this guilt i carry but ashamed to admit it. ashamed that the beauty inside me has burned into a sole of black ashes. ashmed that god wont accept me a child of his anymore. but its time to walk back onto the path.even when its been overgrown with wicked trees and weeds sprouting through the rocks.where my feet will be pricked and stabbed with a trail of blood behind me, i knoe that god is with me. my fear and pains will be set aside.

summary

its a bit chilly out.murky clouds.wet orange and red leaves stained to the road

i think its time to bring out the winter coats!

although my feet are snuggled warm in these blue fuzzy socks:)

i feel like every week i go through the same motions
wake up at 5:30...take a poo...[haha yeah]...brush my teeth put the contacts in and walk right back to bed

where i sleep for another five minutes before its time to pull off the covers

and rush to school.

well this wednesday we took a field trip down to d.c like all our other field trips

and to the newsum!

yes.every kids dream is here.i mean who wouldnt want to go to an interactive learning muesum where it focuses on past and daily international media. where old documents are sealed up tight in shiny glass boxes.where there are such things as touch screens and set developments.even a news room where you can record your own commericals which i was both the weather girl and the editor of the gubernatorial elections.i find that day completely satisfying; better then the holacust mesuem i may say so myself. except for the fact that one of the headlines for a newspaper read in red bold letters CLINTON CHEATS ON HIS WIFE HAVING ORAL SEX 9 TIMES. now that was horrifying and a nuisance since iti s permanently attached to my memory.

the fun was over after an hours ride home.seriously it takes at least ten minutes to get in the city.but no.there is such thing as heavy traffic at 6 in the morning and even at 2pm. the heavy backload of cars, fuming gases, and the contsruction on roads are killers.today i find myself not at all pleased to be home early.but its good in a way.except for the fuming of my grandparents its. friday...ummm

a day to relax and set my mind off school.maybe im lucky this weekend and something good will happen:)

im done

i feel like a slushie
werid way to put it
but the past week
has been a complete
nightmare.
you know when you drink a slushie
and all the icing is at the very top when you take the first sip
that was me.
and now im like this melty sweet water
sinked at the bottom
i thought the ffriday football game was going to be
jublant
exciting
i get to see the boy i liked.
and i ended up hurt and sad
and i know i should be over it
its been
five monthes
and im not.im hurt just like the day
when everything ended
he hurts me over and over again
but i still care
i cant yell at him
i cant be mad at him
his smile makes me smile
hes not the hottest
not the most athletic
but hes the best at making me happy
and i wish that i could be that happy again
...impossible

under pressure

i dont know how to put my words together
its out of proption.well my brain.
i feel like its about to pop out of its sockets
and
im slowely loosing
speech and
by the end of this passage.i wont even comprehend what im writing.
this just might be sign that sickness is over taking my body
or im pmsing.haha it could be both.
but who the f cares that nywoe betrays his father
(essay assignment for english)
the word betrayal can be taken from so many persepectives
how do you even define it in the first place.
i cant figure it out.or im really stupid
or im still pmsing.
GOD i need a sign
like one of those movies with jim carrey
god i need your help here.
my emotions are over taking my system like a metallic song
with no real music.just lots of banging
i feel like ive just got stabbed in the back
and my skin is ripped into a large X.
it hurts
but do they care.no they dont
they walk away like nothing has happened.and i stand here alone
with no bag of chex mix this time.
life sucks
[sorry jessica if you never understand what im writingXD][it comes off the top of my head]

happy halloween

happy halloween OCAC:)
I know its two months into the year and the summer is past us but i never got the chance to tell you guys how much i miss you. how much you really made my summer.and how we'll always stay friends through all our memories that i cherish so much. the good laughs and endless summer nights of going into the night market and climbing those a million steps. morning classes and our free time in the lounge.cicidas that would flutter in and out of the hallways. simon coming out to kill them with his shoe. sara always wearing her red shortsXD haha there was never toliet paper in the bathroom.having the messiest room which was worse then the guys.dancing to sorry sorry and playing basketball with albert and conrad:) theres so many good things to say to all of you guys and what a great way to say it on halloweenXD hopefully we can always stay in touch and i love you all to death!! no matter what, i'll never forget you and the summer of 2009. <3

suzy-
boys boys and everything of boys.
:) you are the best friend a girl could ever have
espically even after ocac.were freaking married man,haha
sitting on the sides in kong fu with our injuries
kennys birthday and eating dinner.cocktail! yumm haha
too many good laughs:]
koreann booys loool

vikki-
you are the most amazing roomate that i ive lived with
eating ramon noodles on the floor and chugging sodas
seweed cookies!!! haha
im still searching for them too.everytime im at the asain market.lol
i still sleep really heavy.haha you and sobrina and cindy up all night
while im past out
our playing with my rubix cube at two am
hahaha.i loved your letter you gave me at the end of camp
i remember reading it and crying on the plane
i really miss you even if you say you changed a lot at college
but i still know that your sweet sweet vikki who is really funny when shes
hyper or semi-ly drunk

sara
seriously we do not look like twins.come on
we have absoultely different personalites but we had
a freaking amazing time together.even if we dont talk as much
i still think about you and
how you are such a slow eater.laughing randomly at the randomest moments
picking leaves off our twig for the play
coming into each others room
getting dressed for pictures:]
and having our teli-pathic communication: i can read your mindXD

antoine
remember the first time we met? where i stuffed you with the basketball
you look scared of of your mindd haha but it was all in caliggraphy
listening to each others i pod and passing notes:]
and then you thought it was funny to ignore me and i was determined to make you talk
and guess what.were like best friends and we talk to each other about everything
you make me laugh so much.the first time i orded something different for you at coco
talking on the stairs
last day where we went out to get friendship bracelets with jeffrey and staying out late
you being my gege and always having my back <3

marissa
i love hanging out with you cause we always have a good time
your the sweetest girl and supeer nice
rapping bubble tea and the time we had to use the bathroom really bad at the muesum.lool
bus rides on our trip
shopping in ximen and taking pictures in the picture booth!

steven
this kid i love.first time i met you was in sorry sorry
and i really got to know you afterwards.we like clicked
haha your like one of my best guys friends
going to get coco after dark
chasing after you when you lost your debt card.chuyuh.lol
you have one freaking breakdown.lol
chilling on the couch in the lounge
while you went through my phone to guess the race of each of my friends
were def seeing each other in winter
and i still have to call you after the halloween parade.haha

jeffrey
i remember i was crying and you did the sweetest thing ever
you started patting your pants and shirt was like "aww i dont have candy"
you literally made me day
and the only way i met you was cause of antoine
and taking your phone card cause mine didnt work!
haha hank you so much fun that:]
then i taught you how to do the rubix cube haha
and you were so addicted
i love how i still can talk to you about everything
and all my friendship bracelets brokee!!!!
but your still in my hearttt <3

there is so many more people that has really affected me and that i miss so much
but at the moment im so hungry that i must go eat:) but i will finish this entry as soon as i get back
happy halloween you guys.i love you!

third time the charm

This is the third time writing the same post.
llol the first two times it was tittled chex mix so maybe ill just title it chex mix again even though im not eating it anymore
too overstuffed.i was listening to sorry sorry while eating, like one of those commercials where the man is slamming his hips into the song holding a bag of chexmix.too good.a legit party of flavor in my mouth.the whole morning i stressed over govenment and i ended up doing fine.better then fine actually, look at my family of hand babies.me and alicia the mommy and daddy.and brandy with the albanio baby as well as the toddler.math on the other hand, i compeletely screwed over.this is mad.im freaking asainXD
afterschool, we bagged lunches for the homeless that was exciting
until mike wang critisized me for putting the labels on too tight
"liz,there homeless, you expect them to read"
haha what has society done to our generation.now im sitting in bed, running over my thoughts of today and my chances seem low even though this morning it felt so high
let me go back to my story:
and so there i was, sitting on a park bench drinking water, feeling like i had swin flu
and everyone in town came together with ballons from the balloon man.i myself recieved a balloon too and the balloon man gave out icecream to everyone there.
so sitting a park bench with my gals, from the corner of my eye i saw ____ and my face flushed pink and immediatlely looked down
but ______ sat down next to me like something casual he would do
we talked about camel toes and unicorns and all the pretty things in the world.except my swin flu
except for i dont know.i cant read the signals ___ gives me